oh, i'm just hanging out, enjoying my last days here. lots of thinking time, speculating, dreaming, conceiving, fretting, calculating, wondering, regretting, inventing, designing, proposing, accepting, rejecting, feeling, observing, analyzing, worrying, deducing, pondering.... lots and lots of "ings" all within my own skull. when you are surrounded by people who don't speak english, you don't get diverted into conversations about anything really, so almost all of your talking is in your own head. a running monologue that gets meandered and guided by voices from the past present and future. reading books and listening to music, swurfing the internet, watching videos on youtube, provide a modicum of focused distraction, but the ever present voice and running movie in my head is merely attended to, not silenced by such stimuli.
it's a brief interlude into the life of the idle rich. rich, because i have everything i need, idle because i don't HAVE to do very much of anything. but it has a strict span of time, this leisure, the income stream stopped when i got on the plane, and the bucket of funds i brought with me is leaking out the myriad of holes. the bucket will need refilling, but that is later, this is now, and now is pretty damn good all in all.
it's perpetual summer in thailand. you aren't bundling up to protect yourself from the cold, hiding inside to keep warm, turning on lights in the middle of the day cause it's so dark under all the clouds. when it rains, you just get under cover, you don't have to go inside, you don't have to go get your coat. and the rain never lasts that long. sometimes the heat is oppressive, and you welcome a cooling breeze or a chance to go in 7-11 where the aircon is always set to imitate the arctic summer. it takes a lot of energy to keep warm. i don't have that cost here.
it's a brief interlude into the life of the idle rich. rich, because i have everything i need, idle because i don't HAVE to do very much of anything. but this interlude has a sharp span. the income stream stopped when i got on the plane, and the reservoir of funds that runs the powerplant is getting down to reserves level. the reservoir will need refilling, but that is later, this is now, and now is pretty damn good all in all. refilling the bucket just means i won't be so idle, but i'll still be rich. i have a home in paradise, and i carry that with me always.
years ago i had an apartment. it was the first apartment that was completely mine. i called it "the Oasis". it was a refuge in the desert, a place to quench your thirst, regain your power. i had a business sized card made up that said this:
If you don't have one, make one.
If you can't make one now,
Use somebody else's until you can.
i've made a new Oasis for myself here. and i enjoy it while i am here. i carry it with me, everywhere.
that's what's happening.